I’ll be honest: self-love has never come easily to me. The self hate started in my twenties. Ironically, I had more confidence as a teenager. But over time, life slowly chipped away at that confidence. My career was full of false starts and failures. I was fired from not one, but two graphic design jobs (still hurts to admit it). Freelancing was a constant battle to make ends meet, and even when I started my own invitation company, I lived paycheck to paycheck for years.

Even now, as a successful illustrator, that nagging feeling of not being good enough is still there. Some days, it’s quieter—other days, it screams. And when it comes to motherhood, that voice is the loudest. I feel so much guilt as a mom, constantly telling myself that I’m messing up my child or that I’m not doing enough. It’s probably the area where I beat myself up the most.

And then, there's my appearance. I struggle to look at myself in the mirror or take photos. I’ve had days where I cried looking at pictures of myself, obsessing over how much older I look. It’s hard to embrace the changes that come with aging, even when I know it’s a privilege to get older.

But despite these battles, I’ve found ways to fight back. One of the most transformative books for me has been, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff. Neff talks about the importance of treating ourselves with the same kindness we’d offer a friend. That hit home for me because I realized I would never speak to a friend the way I sometimes speak to myself.

Self- compassion is built on three pillars: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. These ideas have helped me shift my perspective, especially on the hardest days.

Self-kindness: When that inner critic gets loud, I practice self-kindness by saying, “It’s okay to feel this way. Everyone struggles, and you’re not alone.” Neff emphasizes that instead of beating ourselves up, we should offer ourselves the same comfort and understanding we would to a loved one. This simple act of acknowledging my emotions without judgment has been life changing.

Common humanity: Often, we feel isolated in our suffering. I remind myself that I’m not alone in these feelings. So many of us deal with guilt, insecurity, or feeling “less than.” Neff teaches that recognizing our shared humanity—understanding that everyone struggles with something—can help relieve some of the pressure to be perfect. Knowing I’m not alone has been such a source of comfort.

When emotions become overwhelming, Neff suggests practicing mindfulness by simply observing our feelings without getting wrapped up in them. On days when I feel sad or insecure, I sit with the discomfort rather than pushing it away. I’ve learned to acknowledge my emotions—whether it’s sadness, frustration, or insecurity—without letting them define me.

There are days where I wake up and remind myself that I am amazing, worthy, and loved. But it’s not something that just comes naturally—I have to work at it every single day. Some mornings, I start by reflecting on the things I’ve achieved, even the smallest victories, to remind myself that I’ve come a long way. I’ve read countless books written by therapists and psychologists, and on hard days, I revisit those passages I’ve highlighted to get me through.

Another way I practice self-love is through art. Kristin Neff also talks about creative self-compassion—using creativity to build a relationship with yourself. For me, that’s been journaling, poetry, and illustration. These creative outlets give me the space to process my emotions, celebrate who I am, and reconnect with my sense of worth.

Affirmations

A key part of my self-compassion practice is repeating affirmations. Kristin Neff encourages us to nurture our inner selves by offering words of support, just like a friend would. Some of my favourite affirmations include:

"I am worthy of love, flaws and all."

"Happiness blooms from within."

I repeat these to myself, even when I don’t fully believe them. Sometimes it feels silly, but I’ve found that the words we speak to ourselves have power. And on the tough days, they help me push through.

Aging, too, is something I’m learning to embrace. It’s a privilege, and every wrinkle is a sign of the life I’ve lived, the love I’ve felt, and the lessons I’ve learned. Like Neff teaches, self-compassion isn’t about denying the tough parts—it’s about accepting ourselves, exactly as we are, in this moment.

So, if you’re struggling with self-love, I encourage you to give yourself the grace that you so easily offer others. Be kind to yourself. Remember that you’re not alone in this, and that struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. We’re all just trying to figure it out, one day at a time.

Creative Challenge: Mirror of Self Compassion

Objective: This week, I invite you to look at yourself through a lens of kindness and self-compassion. We’re often our own harshest critics, but this exercise is all about replacing self-criticism with self-love. Through a simple self-portrait, you’ll start to reflect on your inner beauty, your strengths, and the qualities that make you uniquely you. It’s not about creating a perfect image—it’s about seeing yourself with compassion and celebrating all that you are, imperfections and all.

Step 1: Set the Mood. Find a quiet, peaceful space where you won’t be interrupted. You might want to play soft music or light a candle to create a calming atmosphere.

Step 2: Draw Your Portrait. Start by drawing a simple self-portrait. This can be as detailed or abstract as you want—there are no rules here. It’s not about creating a perfect likeness, but about seeing yourself through your own eyes. If drawing isn’t your thing, you can create a collage with magazine clippings or photos that represent you.

Step 3: Add Words of Love and Affirmation. Around your portrait or inside of it, start writing down words or phrases that represent kindness, self-compassion, and love. Write affirmations such as "I am enough," "I am worthy of love," "My imperfections make me unique," or any words that resonate with you personally.

Step 4: Reflect on Your Strengths. In your portrait or collage, incorporate symbols, colours, or images that reflect your strengths and qualities you’re proud of. Maybe it’s resilience, creativity, or how deeply you care for others. These should remind you of the positive qualities you bring into the world.

Step 5: Embrace Imperfections. As you work, focus on letting go of perfection. If you make a "mistake" in your portrait, celebrate it! Messy lines, smudges, and imperfections are part of the beauty. This is your chance to honour all the things about yourself that might be hard to accept but make you who you are. Let this be a gentle reminder that perfection is not the goal—compassion is.

Step 6: Display Your Creation. Once your self-compassion portrait is complete, place it somewhere you can see it regularly. Whenever self-doubt creeps in, look at this visual reminder of your worth and practice speaking kindly to yourself. Why This Exercise Works: By creating a self-portrait, you’re taking the first step toward seeing yourself with compassion. This exercise helps you get out of your head and into your heart by making your self-image tangible and visual. When you surround your portrait with affirmations, you’re actively replacing harsh self-criticism with loving messages. It’s a chance to speak to yourself the way you would to someone you care about. Art has a way of bypassing the mind’s filters, allowing you to express emotions you may not even realize you’re holding onto. By engaging in this process, you’re cultivating mindfulness (staying present with your emotions), connecting with your shared humanity (we all have flaws), and practicing self-kindness. Little by little, you’ll start to see that you deserve the same love and kindness you so freely offer others.